Snowy

After a year
     of chaos
         craziness
         and disorder,
   it is a pleasant change
            to

            slow

            down

      and enjoy
                a bit of calm.

Thank you, God,
     for a snowy walk with you
     for the beautiful view
          time with family
          water flowing in the river
          and extra snow in the mountains
                 to help alleviate
                     our terrible drought.

You are good
     and you give us such good things.

Thank you.

Spook-tacular

Eddie
Eddie

People everywhere
  are dressed up –
          as a robot
                 princess
                 skeleton
                 dancer
                 bee
                 bat
                 coach
                 astronaut
                 turtle
                 Fred Flintstone
                    and more –
          at the office
                   school
                   grocery store
            while playing sports
                     strolling through the parking lot
                 or just taking a walk down the street.

And Halloween isn’t even
          until tomorrow!

It’s a bit of relief
     in the midst of
        a very stressful time –
     an excuse
        to relax
            take a break
              from the everyday
            and smile
              at the silly
                       fun costumes
                            decorations
                            lingo
                     and spook-tacular wackiness
                                  of Halloween.

Drought

The sky is up there
     somewhere,
          I think,
   but the smoke
     is in the way
        and we can’t see it.

This is just a typical summer now,
          apparently.

I keep praying
     for God
        to bring rain
        to the land
           that so desperately needs it
        to the areas
           that actually need it –
               a calm
                  steady
                  life-giving rain –
               without any more lightning fires
                                          mudslides
                                       or flooding.

God, we desperately need you
     to intervene
     to do what only you can do
     to provide life
        to our planet
            without calamity.

You can.
You have before.

But will you?

How long, O Lord,
     will you leave us
        in this severe drought?

Please bring rain
     and heal your land
                  your forests
                  your crops
                  your livestock
                  your dry riverbeds
                  your almost-empty lakes
                  your earth.

Penance

Disdain
Disdain

He acted like
     he was above it all,
        with his slight acknowledgment
                            sometimes
              and sideways glances
                  that turned into long, squinty stares
              on the occasions he chose to
                  look in our direction,
              like we didn’t deserve
                       his effort
                       or time
                  unless it was intentionally offered
                       by him.

Bending over
     the kitchen bar,
          resting his cheek
               on the counter
          as he sat on the stool,
                   he smoldered
                       wallowed
                       sighed
                       glared
              and spoke only in vague terms
                           of her,
                  and how he would not allow himself –
                               fully refused! –
                           to be with someone
                                          anyone
                               because now
                                  he knew better.

It was pride
     mixed with arrogance
                and shame –
          possibly sadness too,
              if he were capable of that.

He was punishing himself
     for having feelings
          he didn’t want
               to have anymore
          for someone
               who didn’t reciprocate them
                     and maybe never had.

But it still seemed
     performative.
He wasn’t processing
     or quiet
          about it.
Rather, it was part of
     his persona,
          like he had to make sure
              we all knew
                 he believed
                 he deserved the penance
                 he was putting himself through
               so we would feel sorry
                    for him
               and he could respond
                    by scoffing
                         at our supposed ignorance.

Found

He needed a home
   and came across ours.

He met us in our backyard
   and camped out on the porch
       for a while.

From the beginning,
   he was friendly
       and affectionate.
He rubbed up against our legs
       and sprawled out
                   on the grass
                for all of the attentions
                      he could get from us.

We didn’t plan
    to adopt another cat –
        not yet.
The timing
   wasn’t right.

But he was persistent
                 sweet
                 loving –
        and still is.

We call him Nemo
   because he lost his family
         but he found
            another one.

He needed humans.
And when he met us,
   he trusted us
   and pursued us.

He grew on us quickly
   and we are grateful
     that he found us.
We didn’t realize
    how much
        we would need him too.

Regress

Non-Linear Growth
Non-Linear Growth

After everything
     we have all endured,
            could we not
         return
       revert
     regress
              to whatever
                 was considered
                           normal
                      before
                             and rather
                                 consider alternatives
                                             changes
                                             healthier ways of living
                                                    move      forward
                                                    learn
                                                    grow
                                                    adapt for our future
                                                      and do
                                                        at least some things
                                                                 differently?

Can we
          please
                 stop
                      trying to go
        backward?

Edges

It makes sense
   to try to develop
     certain skills
                    I lack
            or ones that are
                    underdeveloped
                put the work in
                stretch myself
                build them up.

But I think
   there are other skills
       I will never have
           things I will never be good at
                          and maybe
                I was never meant to.

At some point
   (I think) I need to accept that
       and stop wasting time
                          and energy
                  forcing myself
                      to try to be
                          something
                          someone
                               I’m not.

Where that line is
                 exactly
     I’m not entirely sure
         but I think
     I’m slowly getting better
               at identifying
                          the edges of it.

Sustenance

Thank you, God,
     for rain
     for the life it brings
     for the growth it allows
       even for the idea of it
               when it’s not present
               when it passes through too quickly
           or when there is a possibility of it
                   but it isn’t here yet.

How our dry land
                   trees
                   crops
                   plants
                   rivers
                   lakes
          all long for its sustenance
                        and nourishment!

Please, Lord,
     give us rain.

We desperately need it.

Zhenya

A brilliant Belarusian,
    Zhenya (Gina)
       taught me a lot
              about marketing
                       analytics
                       internet trends
                 and Russian culture
                           over the past year.

But her love for animals –
     particularly dogs – 
              is where her soul shines.

Her voice gets a little higher
                  her eyes brighter
                  her smile broader
          when she talks about
              those she cares for now
   and when she recalls favorites
              who are no longer here.

Her new work involves
        creating practical
                    beautiful
                    sustainable
                    designer accessories
             for her furry friends
                   who are loved
                        and spoiled(!)
                            by their families
             while helping those without homes
                   find their forever humans.

She is such a delightful person
     to be around
        and I’ll miss the fun interactions
                          learning from her
                    and the constant laughs
                                we shared.

But I’m also excited for her.

I love
     that she’s working
        to make a difference
                   in the world
     and I’m thankful
          God placed her in my life
                 even if just for a season.

Restorative

I didn’t want to move there.

As a teenager,
     it was so          far            away
                                                  from everything
                                                         everyone I knew.
It seemed         isolating.

The rest of my family
     loved it,
          but it took a long time
                 for me to see
                     what they saw.

Now I return
     and appreciate
           the space
           the quiet
           the walks
           the beauty
     and the restorative nature
           God created.