Blank Outline
I’m so bad
at outlining anything
ahead of time.
I get stuck
looking
staring
at that blank page
trying to figure out
how to predict the future
while knowing I can’t.
I anticipate
many different directions
a piece could go.
All I can do
is start
figure it out
during the process
learn the boundaries
and the main points
as they emerge.
I don’t generally draw
or paint
with outlines either
or attempt to
sketch in
where I’m headed.
When I try,
I feel constricted
frustrated.
It makes the whole experience
less fun
enjoyable
fulfilling
and I usually dislike
where it ends.
Not being able
to do things
in a predictable
prescribed pattern
the way others do
the way teachers
and bosses
wanted me to
always irritated them
but I’ve never been able
to work that way.
When a school assignment
required an outline,
I was forced
to throw something together
then change everything later
hoping the piece would be good enough
that the outline would no longer matter
or
I would work even harder
to write the entire piece
before the deadline
and create an outline afterward
from what I’d already written.
It’s not that
I don’t plan ahead at all.
I can –
to some extent –
and sometimes
I have a general direction
of where
I want to go.
But my skillset
has never included
predicting the future.
