Resonant

Posted on January 30 2018 by J.W. Richmond

Lost in the Night Sky
Lost in the Night Sky

I once saw in you
  something special
  some potential
     that was incredible
                  impeccable
  some ambition
          erudition
  a deep dream
     in your bloodstream
          burning
          yearning
             to be recognized
                     realized
                     crystallized
                     released.

It was evident
         resonant
         overflowing
         glowing
             brightly
             spritely
             lively
                through your eyes –
                   an impending surprise.

Now the light has gone grey
  the fight’s gone away
          lost in the vast
                in the past
                in the yesterday.

Where has it gone?
Have you withdrawn?
Did you wander too long
                        too far
                        too close    to the        edge
      or  squander it
           waste it
           misplace it
           replace it?

Did it fade
        disappear in fear
        flow into the atmosphere
        float off as a butterfly
           in the twilight sky?

Were you told
               scolded
               admonished
  that it wasn’t only a waste
                            of distaste,
  but you were now nullified
                             ostracized
                             vilified
         for leading others
                 away
                 astray
             in disarray too?

Was it merely time
  to say goodbye,
    or did you let it die
              cruelly
          or quietly
            as you stood by –     aside
                     in silence
                     in pretense
                  trying to justify
                     its absence?

Awe

Posted on December 30 2017 by J.W. Richmond

I am always amazed by God’s creativity when I observe nature.

He paints such beautiful skies with various cloud configurations, using pale to vibrant colors, and stars that can appear scattered, yet they are all placed precisely where He wanted them to be. And when trees covered in fall leaves stand against the sky, every detail is enhanced.

Huge mountains with ridges, canyons and valleys are merely a glimpse into His skills, and can’t contain enough knowledge about Him.

When ocean waves crash and rush to the shore before leaving again, it’s breathtaking. It’s only sand and water, yet He makes the entire experience one of wonder and awe.

Then there are animals. Where could I even start? With vast differences and variations within species, and the oddest creatures I could never imagine, the animal kingdom shows such deep design.

What an incredible God!

And what little of Him we know.

Backfired

Posted on November 28 2017 by J.W. Richmond

It was probably all our fault, really.

A single encounter turned into Armageddon, with fits and screams and entitlement and grumbling and tantrums.

He looked different and smelled different. And she does not like different. He was also a different color, and even though he was quite a bit younger, he was bigger than she was.

Maybe all that threw her off. Maybe.

Perhaps she’s afraid of him because he’s different. Or maybe we failed at teaching her that uniqueness is a good thing, a glorious thing. We didn’t show her how to treat others who are different than her because we never had to. She’s always been shy, timid, wary. Until now, anyway. Since she never went anywhere or ventured out, we never had to teach her that not everyone looks the same or acts the same.

And that backfired. Big time.

When we brought her home, we loved her completely, consoling her through every rational and irrational fear, and every strange, peculiar or basic noise. She loved her older brother instantly, driving him crazy at first with how much she wanted to be with him. It wasn’t long until she won him over, and they became inseparable. Yet she won’t go anywhere near him now, steaming and thrashing in her anger over what we have done to her life.

We were the ones who changed the dynamic and dared to invite someone else in. Even though we never planned on a third, he needed a home. And he was the one who found us. He chose us. So we allowed him to slowly and gently invade her peaceful existence.

His sweet, mostly calm soul has been the center of a lot of controversy, at least on her part. Yet none of this is his fault.

Maybe we are the ones to blame for her crazy, for her serious break with reality. Maybe we should have tried to teach her earlier somehow. But there’s also a reason why “herding cats” is a term.

Overthoughts

Posted on September 30 2017 by J.W. Richmond

Only 26 more years to go.

That is, if it’s a strict 40-years-in-the-wilderness thing.

I’ve already been stuck in this particular, literal desert for 14, with no relief and no real chance of leaving, so maybe it’s 26-ish. I can only hope God rounds down.

A lot.

He is here somewhere. (I think.) But He’s God, so obviously He can handle the heat. For some confounded reason, He actually created it! He just hasn’t passed on the ability to adapt to or endure it to all of His people.

Every day I try to seek after Him and be who He wants me to be, and do what He wants me to do. I just wish He would ever let me know what that was.

Others tell me trite things about rudders and ships and how you can’t move something that isn’t already moving, and blah, blah, blah, often citing inertia. But if that’s the case, they might need to go back to elementary school and read more than just the CliffsNotes version of physics, because I’m pretty sure outside forces (like God, for example) can direct and move things that are already moving, or <insert simulated shock here> completely stationary – the tiniest as well as the most enormous. Which is also inertia.

I’m praying, begging and ready to be moved. Maybe if I had a freaking purpose here, I could even endure the summers that are directly from that horrible, terrifying place of complete torment – the one many Christians don’t mention directly because it could be taken as a swear word. (Gasp!) Then again, any comparison to it might diminish its perceived severity. (Or magnify the horror of it. I’m not sure.)

So even with the gentle melody of Elvis Costello playing in my head, telling me I’ll get used to it* (while I wonder how long, exactly, is a spell?), I stand with the maybe for now. I want to believe a purpose could significantly change that ability to hold up to torture and lead to perseverance.

But perhaps I have to wait for heaven for that. I’m not certain of the over-under on it. Does that mean I have to wait even longer?

Jesus, please be with me so I can be with you, no matter where I am. I’m so grateful I can trust you, and your truth doesn’t waver like my emotions and endless overthoughts.


*Elvis Costello, “This is Hell,” Warner Bros. Records Inc., 1995.

Inflections

Posted on August 31 2017 by J.W. Richmond

All the deceptions
           corrections
           inflections
                creep
                  and
                burrow
        deeply thorough
     as they cr a w   l
                          across
                 beneath
                        around me
                    astounding
                    confounding
                    coursing by
                    forcing themselves in
                       like spies,
                    forming partial truths
                       and acidic lies.

I’m done
   beyond
     done,
     hate
   beyond
     hate,
     forced
          into stuck
          into pushed
          into trapped –
                resigned
                   to my fate.

And I’m all screamed out now.

Don’t mistake
     my silence
            for
          absence,
          non-violence
            for
          complacence.

I never asked for this.

I feel motionless
        choice-less
        voiceless
     but I will not
         acquiesce.

I am worth more than this.

Desires

Posted on July 29 2017 by J.W. Richmond

His imagination
     is vast
        incredible
        incomprehensible.

He makes
     magnificent things
        and turns drab
                      dirty
                      filth
                into beauty.

He knows me –
   even when I don’t fully
     know myself.

And He wants to give me
   good things –
     even when I don’t understand why
                            or deserve them.

His plans
   are so much bigger
     than anything
          I could create
                 or realize.

He fulfills deep desires
   with brilliant outcomes
               that are better
                  than imaginable.

Maybe He will fulfill mine,
     even if I’m not fully clear
           on what they all are
                     yet.

I desperately
   want to believe
          He will.

Trust in the LORD and do good;
    dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Delight yourself in the LORD
    and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the LORD;
    trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
    the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the LORD
    and wait patiently for him…
For the LORD loves the just
    and will not forsake his faithful ones.
           – Psalm 37:3-7a, 28 (NIV95)

Warning

Posted on June 30 2017 by J.W. Richmond

No U-Turn
No U-Turn

It’s coming
    imminent
    impending.

Each second
   counts
   down
        precarious
                       l
                         y
                 and
         quickly.

The warning is scrawled
    on the wall.

Get out!

Find the smallest opening
       the tiniest crack
       the slightest loophole
          and never look back.

It’s time to fly
    and fight
      what destroys.

Regardless of how,
    do what you need
          to leave now.

Because if not now,
              it won’t be
                    by choice.

Projected

Posted on June 10 2017 by J.W. Richmond

Tightrope
Tightrope

Sometimes I think
    everyone thinks
 I am in my sweet spot
                  lucky spot
                  convenient
                  perfect place,
    while I’m lying here
                  dying here
        maybe already dead
           from the pace,
              of this race
                   sus     pended
                   stuck
                   trapped
                   curled up
                      in my disgrace
        ‘cause I can’t be
           what’s expected
           what’s projected.
I might never be
           anything
           anyone
           quotable
           notable
             maybe even lovable.
But is it all subjective?
I know I am not objective.
Ev.ery.thing.
   depends on perspective
      and I know mine is          skewed.
I only see
   from my view
      and I could never change me
                       into you.

Fish

Posted on April 29 2017 by J.W. Richmond

Googley Doodley Doo
Googley Doodley Doo

What began
  as a simple fish
     became a big fail,
  so it morphed into
     an almost-whale,
  until a bird emerged,
     feathers and tail,
        a disproportioned,
             un
                    balanced
                         pale comparison,
     yet on some scale
        appears similar
             to the creature
                it resembles,
                     apart from the details.