A glimpse into the chaos.
The October morning sky
welcomes His wonder
speaks of His splendor
displays His divinity
marvels at His majesty
and
gives but a glimpse
of His glory
Look who’s two!
Happy birthday, Emmitt,
our adorably sweet goofball!
You are loved tons and
we’re so grateful for you –
for all your antics
escapades
snuggles
and
sillyhead moments!
He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
– Psalm 147:4
What an incredible God He is,
the Creator of all things –
seen and unseen –
who created every star
in the sky.
He’s such a big God
so magnificent
I cannot fathom Him
or His ways.
Yet He reveals Himself
in His creation.
He wants us
to know Him,
so He shows us
who He is
through what He has made.
The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they reveal knowledge.
They have no speech, they use no words;
no sound is heard from them.
Yet their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
– Psalm 19:1-4
He made the sky
sun
earth
moon
sea
stars
and every living creature,
including us.
In his hand are the depths of the earth,
and the mountain peaks belong to him.
The sea is his, for he made it,
and his hands formed the dry land.
– Psalm 95:4-5
No created thing
is worthy of praise.
But God is worthy.
He made us
cares for us
sent His Son to die
to save us.
When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?
– Psalm 8:3-4
How could we look up
at the vastness
of the sky
see the wonders
of the galaxy
the design of the stars
and not see Him?
How could we not
be in awe
of who He is
and grateful
for what He has done?
How could we not
worship Him
praise Him
and give Him
all the glory?
Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our Maker;
for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care.
– Psalm 95:6-7
Deep inside the cavern,
it is entirely black
full darkness
void of all light.
You see the same
nothingness
with your eyes closed
as you do with them open.
But even a small amount of light
i l l u m i n a t e s
immeasurable sights
to see
and
awe-inspiring inspirations
to examine.
The fragile formations
are unique
intricate
elaborate.
God is infinitely creative
and imaginative.
He even designed
beautiful things
u
n
d
e
r
ground
for us to discover.
And He continues
to use the elements
to grow the stalactites
shape the formations
and
delight us
with His wonders
as we explore
the world He gave us.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
– Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV)
It wasn’t a surprise
when my job was eliminated.
I had been preparing for it,
as much as I could.
I had already been applying to other jobs
for a l o n g time,
pleading with God
to get me out of there
and provide something else.
When talking to people during that time,
I described it as rough.
That was true,
but it was so
much
harder
than just rough.
It’s been a hard year
It almost took me down
– TobyMac, “Faithfully”1
I believe I was there
for a reason.
I could look back
and clearly see
how God orchestrated everything,
moving all the pieces around and
placing me there –
for a time.
But when management changed,
the vision changed.
The company’s values
no longer aligned with mine
and I could not remain there.
I applied to job
after
job
and received
rejection
after
rejection.
God, why am I here?
What am I doing?
Are you doing something
I don’t see?
Are you doing anything?
When I cried out to you, Jesus,
You made a way for me
– TobyMac, “Faithfully”
In the next round of layoffs,
half of my team was let go,
including me.
I didn’t know
how He would provide financially,
but I believed He would, somehow,
and I praised Him because
He had heard
my desperate prayers.
I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
– Psalm 31:7 (NIV)
I started organizing our house,
cleaning and
tidying up.
I reached for the plant
in the garden window in our kitchen –
or what used to be a plant, anyway.
I was going to remove the roots,
clean out the planter
and maybe plant something else,
even though I’d never been
very good with plants.
I hadn’t watered this one in weeks
because I thought it was dead.
But outside of my original view,
there was new life,
new growth.
It was not fully green
because it needed water,
yet it was trying to grow
despite not being taken care of properly.
I cleared out the mess
of all the dry leaves,
watered it,
and put it back in the window.
It was time for my own reset –
time to start over.
I was no longer stuck
stagnant
shackled.
He set me free.
Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
the Lord answered me and set me free.
– Psalm 118:5 (ESV)
I didn’t know
what was next.
I didn’t know
what He was doing.
But I have seen Him working.
I’ve seen glimpses
of Him,
like when we got our power bill
that said no payment was due
because there was a climate credit
at the exact time
our financial situation changed.
I couldn’t have planned that.
But He did.
The not-actually-dead plant
was growing,
and there were fresh curled-up leaves
ready to make their way toward life.
Then I was approached
about a job opportunity –
one that would not have been on my radar
or appeared in any of the searches
I was doing.
God is moving
and none of it has been expected.
My life doesn’t look like
what I thought it would.
I don’t know
how anything will play out.
Trusting God is hard
because I don’t see
what He sees
or know
what He knows.
But He’s bigger
than all my circumstances
and
all my questions
and I’m waiting in anticipation
for what He does next.
Many, LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
– Psalm 40:5 (NIV)
1 Kyle Williams, Toby McKeehan, “Faithfully,” Capitol CMG Publishing, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., 2022.
I wish I knew
what God wanted
how I could serve Him
how I could best serve Him
but I don’t hear God loudly
boldly
assuredly
through build-a-big-boat-in-the-desert
or go-directly-to-Nineveh moments.
I follow breadcrumbs
small indications
not even signs, really,
or clear whispers.
Sometimes it’s purely
open doors vs. closed doors
hoping they are open
or closed
because He’s leading.
But it’s also leaning in
to abiding
in Him
when there’s no movement
or change
reading the next chapter
or the next verse
praising Him
in the confusion
seeking wise counsel
and continuing to pray
asking Him for guidance
again
and still.
And sometimes
there’s a subtle shift
a nudge
during my questioning
and reaching for Him
that points
just enough
in one direction
to the next
right
step.
So I’ll take
that next right step
and start over again
from there
even when I don’t understand it
even when it may not necessarily be
what I want
and while future steps
future direction
future decisions
remain unknown.
At the shelter, we saw this scared little kitten with sage-green eyes and what looked like a drop of peroxide in the brown fur on her head – a head that was too small for the rest of her little body.
We brought you home on Halloween, and while we were discussing names, Jeff was eating some Reese’s Pieces, and we had your name, Reese, a.k.a. Reese’s Pieces or just Pieces.
Despite his initial annoyance, you won Sullivan over in no time, and you became lifelong best friends.
The two of you were inseparable.
You were beyond stubborn and tried to outlive all of us.
But at 19 1/2, you had done all you could.
Because of your stubbornness, there were times you were a massive pain. You wanted what you wanted, and there was no deterring you.
But there were also times you were incredibly sweet and silly.
You went nuts for your “kitty crack” and would start drooling from that catnip high.
Toward the end, one of your favorite things was a warm bed directly out of the dryer. You expected there to be one for you in every load of laundry and were disappointed that your humans couldn’t make that happen every single time.
We tried to provide one whenever possible and make you comfortable as long as we could.
Goodbye, Pieces, with the peroxide spot on your little head. Rest well.
I don’t know
if He will deliver me
from this
if He will provide
a way out
a way th r o u g h.
But I believe
He can.
Even though I don’t have
any answers
yet
or a clear direction
yet
and I have no idea
what will happen
yet –
in this neverending
desolate
defeating
demanding
yearslong “season,”
I’m praising Him
anyway.
Not that
I haven’t been
doing that all along
in some way,
but I am being
more intentional
more active
more deliberate –
practicing it
even on days
I don’t fully feel it.
I’m renewing
my mind
developing
a different way of thinking
turning it into action
and letting Him lead me
in this drought-stricken
desert place.
He’s bigger
than all of this.
He’s capable
powerful
almighty
and
worthy of praise.
He’s all-knowing of
the past
present
future
the already
and not yet.
I have no idea
what He’s doing
or if
I will know
in the near future
or ever,
but I believe
He’s doing something
and I am giving Him praise
and all the glory
during the difficulty
in the messy middle
in the impossible
and regardless of
the outcome.
This looks impossible
But you’re the God of impossible…
I need a miracle
And you’re the God of miracles…
I know my God can do it
So, I’m gonna worship through it
Before I see my breakthrough
I’m gonna choose to praise you…
In the middle of my no way out
In the middle of my don’t know how…
I’m gonna praise you
Oh God, I praise you!
– Tasha Layton
Tasha Layton feat. Chris Brown, “Worship Through It,” BEC Recordings, 2024.
Sometimes
they are
t
w
i
s
t
y
wrapped around each other
intertwined
spaghetti-like.
Sometimes they are more like
m o v i n g clouds
shape-shift i n g
visible
but intangible.
Or like stars,
they are
seemingly f a r apart
from each other –
some bright
against the sky
some dim
tough to see,
as if they are barely there.
The vast space between them
isn’t empty;
it’s busy
dense
entirely full.
But I cannot always access
what I search for
what I cannot see
or reach
as if they are
in another dimension
or merely
gone
never meant to be
found again.
A PSA for anyone else who gets
stuck
in this situation
in the future:
Some advice came in SUPER handy recently
when I – I mean, my friend –
had a huge
messy mishap
with a new bottle
of apparently extra,
extra-strong superglue
with an opening
that was much w i d e r
than normal.
When attempting to glue
some broken puzzle pieces
back together,
it got all over my her hands.
While – unsuccessfully – trying
to clean everything up,
my her fingers got stuck together.
Solidly.
Tugs
prying
pulling
and maneuvering
were initially futile,
but after many long,
frustrating minutes,
they separated.
After finally ripping them apart,
I – I mean, she –
tried to Google
how to remove super glue from skin
but couldn't open my her phone right away
because my her fingerprints
were covered
solidly
in
glue.
Another phone-opening method worked, thankfully,
and Google came to the rescue
with some suggestions.
Eventually, after a combination
of tons of warm water
many different types and brands of soap
(that did absolutely nothing),
a hard, dry Scrub Daddy sponge,
lots of acetone nail polish remover,
a slathering of lotion
some Vaseline,
a nail file,
and bouts of uncontrollable laughter
at the ridiculousness of it all,
the glue – finally – relented
and peeled off.
(Mostly.)