Glimpse

The Lamppost
The Lamppost

In the between
   of cool but not cold
       wet but not yet soaked,
          the sound of the rain
                    is melodic
                       hypnotizing
                       rhythmic
                       calming
                          and
                       life-giving.

Droplets wisp lightly
     in the wind
                and
             crash loudly
     into their own puddles,
               reflecting blurred streetlights
                    that are somehow brighter
                       than the real thing.

It’s in the storm
    that I see a small glimpse
            of God –
      in the desperately needed
              tiny drops
                 that fall,
          the incomparable pattern of
              sporadic lightning
                 across the entire sky,
          the harsh,
              reverberating shake
                 of the deep,
                          striking thunder.

Together, they paint
   such a clear picture
      of His abiding care
              toward what is His
                    while also showing
          His intense power
              over everything
                   He created.

Fractured

Strangled Fire
Strangled Fire

You pulled her
      across boundaries
            of health
                ability
                logic
                humanity.

She pushed back
     in trust
       against the injustice,
   attempting an in-between
          between them,
                     a compromise
                     a something
                         good for all,
   but it was all for nothing.
         She was rebuffed
                      refused
                      disregarded
                         and
                      confused.

Now the only thing left
     and right
       in sight
       in front of her
       in view
          is the corner
                 you pushed her into.

Is she supposed to submit
     like a puppy
       waiting for a beating
       nursing the bleeding
   as you rub her nose
       in the disrespect?
Is she supposed to run
     the other way,
       drop everything to waste,
   leaving both of you
     at a disadvantage,
           debilitated,
           damaged?

With the lack
   of actual options
     bordering on exhaustion,
         she shut up
               shut off in thought.
         She went dark –
                       dark as if in a trance,
                         grasping at the chance,
                           strategically dreaming
                                for resolution
                                for meaning
                                for any resemblance of a solution,
                and dark as in
                  a place so dank and
                                  d
                                  r
                                  i
                                  p
                                  p
                                  i
                                  n
                                  g
                          with defeat,
                            so fractured
                                  and
                               incomplete,
                          it was only worthy
                                 of silence.

Words could only
   ruin the moment
         the sanctity
         the brevity
         the small bit of her
              she could still see –
        and at the worst,
   leave her constrained,
      as they ripped         apart
          everything around her
                     and through
                          what little of her
                                remained.

Out

Without Dreams
Without Dreams

With the sight
   out of view,
     all the wants I’d been
            clinging to,
         the needs I missed
         the dreams I dropped –
            I let them         drift –
     I decided
            I must have them back,
          but they’d already
                     f
                       a
                         l
                          l
                           e
                           n
            from the neglected cliff.

Reaching    farther         further
                        higher
        lower
   I grasp
       only at shadows
     and they can’t find me either.

Without darkness
                or
              light,
              black
                or
              white,
    I wait in vain
       for help
       for fate,
         lost forever
            in the dulled
                     bored mind
                       they left behind.


‘If you can't be what you want
You learn to be the things you're not
If you can't get what you need
You learn to need the things
That stop you dreaming
All the things that stop you dreaming’
  – “The Things That Stop You Dreaming,”
     Passenger

Backward

The Space Between
The Space Between

It’s difficult
   to calculate growth
           when growth
               tends to show itself
                 as circles
                     swirls
                     scratches
                     smears
                     scars
                        or
                     wrinkles.

Of course there are many exceptions,
   but (I think)
     sometimes falling
                   slipping
               skidding
          backward
                   is growth
              because at least you are moving
                               somewhere
                       rather than just remaining
                            where you were.

Sometimes
   even backward movement
              propels you around again
                 toward something –
                             something bigger
                             something better
                             something greater than yourself
                             something worth living for.

Sphere

Moonlit
Moonlit

I can’t grab the waves
   when they come
      or shove them from me
   when I wish I could
          will them away.

I’m in a constant         push
             pull
         of understanding
                and
            daily being.

Through evenings
             mornings
             long days
                and
             nighttime
   I poke at meaning
                    and
                 purpose,
       hoping some little bit
               might bleed out
             so I can finally grab it
                            and holdtightlytoit,
                  as it all comes together
                       into the perfect
                               sphere
                          that has been waiting
                                               ready
                             for all my broken little pieces
                                               to fall
                                                  into
​                                                  shape.

Burst

Whatever I may expect,
        she always exceeds
                    my expectations.

She is filter-less
       seems almost
          fearless
               even when she’s not,
          sweetly inappropriate
               in the most appropriate ways,
             and I just love
               any interaction with her.

We are so incredibly different
      and so freaky alike sometimes.
We share similar insecurities
      and we have become
        each other’s touchstones.

We share likes
               dislikes
               values
               friends
               humor
               facial expressions  
                  and
               birthdays.
We are kindred.

I burst
  louder
  bigger
  larger
     because when it comes to her,
        I just can’t help myself.

I run on caffeine
    and she runs on batteries.

She often says
  what I am thinking
     but don’t say out loud,
          and strongly feels
  what I can’t figure out
     how to express.

Her skin jumps
      and crawls
         when mine does
      and she seems
        to let me closer to her
                than others at times
           because she knows
                        she is/we are
                           safe there.
Our bubbles will still remain
                               our
                               own
       as much as they may softly
                i
                   n
                  t
                e 
                  r
                    t
                 w
                i
                  n
                    e
         with each other
           while we both
               slowly
             let others in –
                 within the time we need
                     to allow ourselves
                     to open up
                        in a completely different way.

There may also
   be the occasional time
        she gets waytooclose,
            leaving no bubble –
     like when she
        flat out punches
                   me
                   in
                   the
                   face
         with her excitement
          and her flailing fist –
                   but at least
                      it is rare,
                            accidental
                               and no doubt
                            done out of love.

 

 

For Daley

Mediums

No, not the strange
                    or
                 skin-crawling kind.

Supplies.

Colors
 pencils
 paints
 pastels
 words
 charcoal that manages to get on everything
     and never wash off your fingers.

I’ve mostly been using watercolors lately,
   because that’s what I have
     stored in the upstairs closet
          in the guest room.

Jeff looked at what I was trying to create
       and said
    I was using the wrong medium for it.

How was I to know
   there was even a right one?
Since nothing actually translates
   from my brain
     to the blank piece of paper –
   not in the way
     I see it in my head anyway.

I’ve always admired art
   and the artists who create it,
     who can make art
       look like something real
                               or imaginary
                               or beautiful.
                               or inspiring.

Maybe he’s right.
He usually is.

Maybe I’ve been using
   the wrong mediums.

I’m willing to learn
   and branch out
   and try new things.

But for this moment,
   it feels good
     to even attempt
     to create
        something,
           even if
             it’s not at all like
                  what I see
               behind my eyes.

Brighter

Plans
Plans

You are so good
    at what you do
      and so loved
    for who you are,
      that it is hard
          to watch you leave.

But in a much bigger way,
   I am beyond
     proud of you
       for reaching forward
               and
            letting go
       for allowing yourself
            to be
              and
         no longer pushing yourself
            to be in a place you love
                but isn’t quite right
                         now.

You have gifts
   that are screaming to be used
         and
   your true place
     has walls that are ready
        to be knocked down.

While you are so beautiful here,
   I know
     you will soon
             be even brighter.

These opportunities
         possibilities
   are just the start
     for where you may
        end up someday
   and so small
     compared to the plans
        He has for you.

 

For Kim

Willowy

Sharper
Sharper

It’s all sharper
     on watercolor.

Thin lines
  are distinct
     on the smudgy blurs.

Charcoal black
  becomes crisp
     on indifferent pastels.

If we could only
  reach out
        branchlike
        willowy
     to what is so close
        in front of us
           and be true
     to what is promised,
        the colors
           could all break out
                  into one
                            fluid
                               melody
                           of hope
                               clarity
                                 and
                               purpose.

12

Anniversary 12
Anniversary 12

I’m not afraid
  of jumping
  of falling
    or even free falling
       with him.

I am looking forward to
  being with my Jeff
    in a new way
       a new place
  doing new things
         together
    that neither of us
      have ever done before,
         but we have both
           always wanted to do
                   someday.

So here’s to new experiences
                 new locations
                 new adventures
      yet the same
              us,
  taking chances together
     and having fun
        with each other.

Here’s to 12.