Light That's Not Its Own
October 28
November is National Novel Writing Month, a.k.a. NaNoWriMo.
Even most of my short stories and minor, insignificant non-fiction blog posts remain unpublished because they feel perpetually unfinished and incomplete, so writing a full-length fiction novel in a month is a big deal. It’s totally nuts.
But I’m venturing out, working alongside the movement this year, ghost-participating and giving it a solid shot. I’m going to try this, and Yoda’s not going to mess with me. As much as I hate deadlines, maybe this will be good. And the world will not end if my plans fail. (Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.)
At best, the story will be rough at the end of the month – really rough they say. It will not be researched enough, and it will be unpolished, unedited and imperfect. That is, if I even reach the 50,000 words and actually finish it. But it will be a full, complete (although uncompleted) story.
Participants are allowed pre-November to prep. Research, planning, shaping, characters. But no actual writing.
I am thankful for a forgiving, supportive husband who is encouraging me to do this, knowing I will likely have less time for us this month, while also reminding me that I still make the rules. Pushing myself toward a goal is healthy. Pushing myself until I’m sick is not.
October 31
I didn’t even think I would have a basic plot at this point, because I am generally so bad at plot, but I think I actually do. I even have a general outline and few characters.
Don’t expect too much, the book says. It may not be great or even good.
But go.
Keep going.
Don’t stop.
Don’t edit.
Just go.
I envision November being a blur.
Here we go.
November 1
So much research/fact checking I need to do. So many holes. So many questions. And this is day one? I know I am supposed to leave it all until later, but ugh.
There are so many things I knew I didn’t know, and I never planned to go there. The truth is I actually know practically nothing, and Google will have to become my very near, very dear, seriously annoying friend I want to punch in the face but can’t, because I need to keep it close.
This month is insane as is. So much going on, holidays, work, people. Adding this just exponentially magnifies the crazy I try to keep at bay.
Clearly I am not doing a good job at it.
November 2
Rain! Actual rain. The perfect sound to write to.
November 7
Supposedly week 2 is where you get so frustrated at your characters and yourself that most people quit. You wish you could scrap everything, kill off all your annoying characters, and if you keep them around, tend to start letting in all your absolutely-nots that you said you don’t want in your story.
I can see at this point why they highly suggest not bringing in a work you are already tied to, that you’ve previously started, that you’re invested in. I probably would be tempted to kill off all my characters and turn my story into a zombie mess – which, by the way, is on my list of don’ts.
November 19
Cut my hair yesterday. Myself. Character research. Sure, more like trimmed, but it was a full couple inches all the way around. Definitely not perfectly straight and still needs help, but it turned out a lot better than expected, and I can even live with it until I have time to get it fixed.
If friends and coworkers don’t notice, or at least say anything if they do, it’s unlikely strangers would, right?
November 20
I don’t sleep.
Not that I always did before. But now I am thinking about the story, about how to get from one point to the next, about how this character or that character reacts to something, about what this character would say that could change the course of everything, about how another character finds a way out from some situation.
I enjoy it. I am so invested in it. Doing this gives me energy, but it is limited. My energy runs out over and over. And I am.so.tired.
November 24
The book* said to stop rubbing my eyes, and I was like, is there a camera here I don’t know about? What the heck?
The author said to stop staring at a screen so much, get up and take a break sometimes. Your eyes may be hurting because of it. Keep eye drops nearby.
Lightning bolt obvious eureka duh. No wonder my eyes are so red and dry.
Hitting the word count at this point will not be the problem. Finishing the plotline before the deadline, that is going to be the struggle.
November 25
Frustrations, sudden obligations with arbitrary, ridiculous deadlines.
And then there is Thanksgiving tomorrow, a day of thanks for, well, everything. And I have had it in my head this whole month, thanking God for this chance to even try this whole thing.
But time suckers keep forcing their way in and I just want to scream or kick or hit something.
Today should be a huge celebration with champagne and clinks of glasses. I hit 50k! Early even. I still have to actually finish the story. But even hitting that mark is a big deal.
I am so beyond exhausted, my eyeballs are sticking to my eyelids and don’t want to open them until January, at least.
November 28
Visited the grandparents, aunt and uncle, and some cousins yesterday. Found out my cousin Chris tells hilarious stories. Spent time looking through an old photo album with my grandpa, of almost all photos I had never seen. My grandparents’ wedding photos, pics of my dad and aunts as babies, pics of my grandpa in New Guinea and other places during WW2. An entirely different world. Other than that, we were driving all day, but thankful my dad enjoys driving and offered to do it.
Went out to the garage this morning and found out the water heater was leaking. Awesome. It’s Saturday. On a holiday weekend. Had to shut off water to the entire house. Dishwasher and washing machine are completely full, of course, with multiple loads of laundry waiting after. Can’t run either.
“At least tell me the genre.” The people I have told about this project always want to know. At this point, it is settling pretty firmly into suspense-drama. Actually more drama than I would want, but I let my main character loose and that’s where it went. Which does make sense, considering what I put her through.
If I ever do this again, maybe it’ll be a little more action, badass Alias-style female hero-driven thriller. Maybe not. But at the very least, this is a story I would read. Or watch. Much more than I could say about most of the fiction I have previously written.
December 2
It’s still sinking in. However unedited and insanely messy it is at this point – and I have pages and pages of notes of things I need/want to change, not to mention all the things I will come across in the actual editing process – it is technically at its core a complete story, a complete novel.
In a month!
It has been insane. Something I never thought I could do, especially in such a short period of time. But as exhausted as I am after all this, because my characters have been dialoging in my head when I should be sleeping, it has also been really fun and energizing. And my Jeff actually still loves me.
Now I just need to figure out how to put all the pieces together smoothly and finish it for real. And, you know, give it a title, so there’s that.
Maybe after I sleep for a few days – or weeks.
December 8
I’m moving on it a bit, but slowly. There is so much more work left than I expected.
“When do I get to read it?” people ask. Maybe someday. Hopefully someday. If I can ever actually turn it into something real, readable, fully complete.
I have already asked two people for help with accuracy stuff (in addition to my Jeff). And both have said yes, ask as much as I want and they are willing to help with whatever they can.
That is so outside of where I ever want to go. I wish I could Google everything. But maybe Willem’s** words are getting to me, that asking for help isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. I hope that guy is right.
*No Plot? No Problem! By Chris Baty
**Name and saying may change. He’s fictional, so I can do that.
