It wasn’t a surprise
when my job was eliminated.
I had been preparing for it,
as much as I could.
I had already been applying to other jobs
for a l o n g time,
pleading with God
to get me out of there
and provide something else.
When talking to people during that time,
I described it as rough.
That was true,
but it was so
much
harder
than just rough.
It’s been a hard year
It almost took me down
– TobyMac, “Faithfully”1
I believe I was there
for a reason.
I could look back
and clearly see
how God orchestrated everything,
moving all the pieces around and
placing me there –
for a time.
But when management changed,
the vision changed.
The company’s values
no longer aligned with mine
and I could not remain there.
I applied to job
after
job
and received
rejection
after
rejection.
God, why am I here?
What am I doing?
Are you doing something
I don’t see?
Are you doing anything?
When I cried out to you, Jesus,
You made a way for me
– TobyMac, “Faithfully”
In the next round of layoffs,
half of my team was let go,
including me.
I didn’t know
how He would provide financially,
but I believed He would, somehow,
and I praised Him because
He had heard
my desperate prayers.
I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.
– Psalm 31:7 (NIV)
I started organizing our house,
cleaning and
tidying up.
I reached for the plant
in the garden window in our kitchen –
or what used to be a plant, anyway.
I was going to remove the roots,
clean out the planter
and maybe plant something else,
even though I’d never been
very good with plants.
I hadn’t watered this one in weeks
because I thought it was dead.
But outside of my original view,
there was new life,
new growth.
It was not fully green
because it needed water,
yet it was trying to grow
despite not being taken care of properly.
I cleared out the mess
of all the dry leaves,
watered it,
and put it back in the window.
It was time for my own reset –
time to start over.
I was no longer stuck
stagnant
shackled.
He set me free.
Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
the Lord answered me and set me free.
– Psalm 118:5 (ESV)
I didn’t know
what was next.
I didn’t know
what He was doing.
But I have seen Him working.
I’ve seen glimpses
of Him,
like when we got our power bill
that said no payment was due
because there was a climate credit
at the exact time
our financial situation changed.
I couldn’t have planned that.
But He did.
The not-actually-dead plant
was growing,
and there were fresh curled-up leaves
ready to make their way toward life.
Then I was approached
about a job opportunity –
one that would not have been on my radar
or appeared in any of the searches
I was doing.
God is moving
and none of it has been expected.
My life doesn’t look like
what I thought it would.
I don’t know
how anything will play out.
Trusting God is hard
because I don’t see
what He sees
or know
what He knows.
But He’s bigger
than all my circumstances
and
all my questions
and I’m waiting in anticipation
for what He does next.
Many, LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
– Psalm 40:5 (NIV)
1 Kyle Williams, Toby McKeehan, “Faithfully,” Capitol CMG Publishing, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., 2022.
