Between
friendship
and betrayal,
regret
and forgiveness,
final death
and ultimate life,
what a long few days
it must have been.
More than normal
and
more than lately,
I keep trying
to focus,
intentionally
thinking about
Him
because this weekend
is significant
and should not be
forgotten.
But I keep getting
distracted.
I have trouble
just keeping my mind on Him
for multiple minutes
in a row,
like a sleepy disciple
in the garden
who can’t stay awake
for their best friend
in the entire world
when He asked (Matthew 26:36-45).
Yet somehow
I keep finding my eyes
wet
as if I can’t not
think about Him
in a deeper place
than thoughts
can go.
Maybe He
keeps bringing me back
to Himself
in spite of me,
amidst my carelessness
and selfish choices
to choke back
bile
tears
anger
and
outrage
over His unfair death (Matthew 27:22-23)
and everything He gave –
all the things
I live with
every day,
so ungrateful for.
Because despite
what I may recognize
acknowledge
feel
or
do
He already finished
what He came to do (John 19:30)
when He died
forgave (Luke 23:34)
and
came to life again (Luke 24:6-7).