I wish I knew
what God wanted
how I could serve Him
how I could best serve Him
but I don’t hear God loudly
boldly
assuredly
through build-a-big-boat-in-the-desert
or go-directly-to-Nineveh moments.
I follow breadcrumbs
small indications
not even signs, really,
or clear whispers.
Sometimes it’s purely
open doors vs. closed doors
hoping they are open
or closed
because He’s leading.
But it’s also leaning in
to abiding
in Him
when there’s no movement
or change
reading the next chapter
or the next verse
praising Him
in the confusion
seeking wise counsel
and continuing to pray
asking Him for guidance
again
and still.
And sometimes
there’s a subtle shift
a nudge
during my questioning
and reaching for Him
that points
just enough
in one direction
to the next
right
step.
So I’ll take
that next right step
and start over again
from there
even when I don’t understand it
even when it may not necessarily be
what I want
and while future steps
future direction
future decisions
remain unknown.