If circumstances alone
determine my feelings
my reactions,
I am doomed
to repeat my stupidity
my idiocy
my selfishness.
Again.
Regardless of how temporary
those circumstances are
or not,
they are real.
They just aren’t
the full reality.
I would like to believe
that I cling to something
someone
bigger
higher
more powerful
than my whatevers.
And I do –
intermittently.
But not
consistently.
The place
time
situation
I’m in
at any given moment
R O A R S
in a huge
tall
sometimes terrifying
grizzly bear way,
and I panic
freeze
eyes dilated
in relation
to the fear
of the ten-thousand potential
unknown
uncontrollable outcomes.
He is bigger than all of them,
every little thing
every one.
I believe that.
I believe in Him
and run to Him.
I just don’t know
how to allow the full reality
the full truth
to sink in
despite what I am experiencing
at the time.
And I don’t know
how to let Him do it
either.