Why does my time with God have to be
segregated
into reading the Bible
or attending a church service?
Isn’t there some way
to spend actual,
real
time with Him
while still completing the things
I need to finish
every day
week
month?
Is there a way to do
both
and not have them be separate
from each other?
I don’t make it to church every week
or read my Bible every day.
No matter how hard I try to make it happen,
I fail
again
and
again.
I know, I can pray
anytime.
But I usually feel like
I am completely switching gears
or
changing course
when I pray,
like it can’t just be
part
of what I’m already doing.
I do pray.
A lot.
But most of my prayers are probably selfish, in some way.
I ask for things
circumstances
experiences
to change
for me
or
my family
or
my friends
or
my…whatever.
Praying for His will or plan
seems crazy sometimes
because
I don’t want to go to Africa
(or live here forever).
It also means
people suffer
grieve
or even die
because
I am not in control.
But do I think I could possibly have a bigger plan
than He does?
Can I see a bigger picture
than He can?
Does my logic make more sense than His?
Really?
So He should have a solution to all this, right?
Can’t He just let me know what it is already?
Because I need answers.
I need a way
to abide
rest
remain (John 15:4)
in Him and…
And?
Should there be an and?
But there’s always an and, isn’t there?
And spend quality time with Jeff.
And connect with family
friends
neighbors.
And cultivate new friendships.
And fulfill my responsibilities at work.
And clean the house.
And exercise.
And eat healthy.
And
the
list
goes
on.
Could He possibly multiply time
in some imperceptible way
like the fish and loaves (Mark 8:19-20)?
(And what about the people
who are allergic to fish
or bread?)
He’s bigger than all of that, right?
All of the insane,
minuscule
details…
How do I not neglect
all the other aspects of my life
that I need to keep on top of?
How do I not
compartmentalize
my life
and keep Him as the
center
of everything I am?
How do I lean on Him
be with Him
abide in Him
completely?