Jeff said recently that I am
“relaxed-deficient.”
I wasn’t sure
whether I should laugh
or agree;
I think I did both – along with a crooked face
of frustration,
because I don’t know
what to do about it.
I may not be a super Achiever*
but I still always have a list going
of a billion things I have to do,
and I have this fear
that I will never actually
accomplish
anything
because that list
of
insanity
is always
l o n g e r
than I can manage.
It seems like
other people are able to
check things
off their list
and it gets
smaller.
Sure, they add things
here and there,
but they actually make
progress.
My list just
increases.
I check things off,
but I just can’t seem to handle what’s already there.
I get overwhelmed
and try to tackle it,
but I can’t find the hours in the day
to do it all,
or at least
enough of it to make a difference.
My energy betrays me
and so does the caffeine.
Options seem to actively run away
from my presence,
like cockroaches
when they see light.
I can’t turn the list off
or the need for the list
or make actual progress.
So how, exactly,
am I supposed to relax?
*Your Unique Design: Originally Developed by Taibi Kahler; Adapted by Dr. Bob Maris and Dr. Jerry Richardson. Achiever: logical, organized, responsible.