Attention

I have read studies
    and heard various views
          about tactile learning,
                  but I wasn’t able to identify it in myself
                                 until recently.

I probably appear to be ignoring
          the world around me
               as I doodle
                    badly sketch
                    slowly move the pen
                         in endless circles
                                       in the margins.
     But if I am doing something
               tactile,
           I am usually paying more attention
                     than if I sit in my chair
                          looking forward,
                          hands in my lap.

Social conventions do tend to dictate
     that I look up,
            attempt to make some version of eye contact,
            nod at appropriate
                      irregular intervals
            and maybe even smile slightly.
            Blinking once-in-a-while is also helpful.

My defensive side
          feels the need to

                  interject

                      that I do listen
                                  pay attention
                                  engage.
                             I just pay
                                  better attention
                                       if I don’t have to waste my bandwidth
                                            on required mannerisms,
                                                 and I allow myself some room
                                                                to listen
                                                                   learn
                                                                   absorb.

If I sit quietly,
     hands folded or by my side,
     look forward
     and watch
          a teacher
             pastor,
             TV show or
             movie,
                    my recall tends to be very
                                   limited
                          because my mind wanders
                                                   shifts
                                                   sneaks
                                                        into other areas.

I have figured out
     that holding something
          like a pen – and using it beyond just taking notes –
                         helps me focus
                         stay in the now
                  and retain the information later,
                              meaning,
                         doodling
                         actually helps me
                         pay attention.

During Academy* last semester,
     I tried setting up a laptop on the kitchen counter
          with a notebook next to it
                so I could take notes,
                          and make dinner
                               while listening to the podcast.
          I found that when I was standing up
               and doing something else
                    that was mostly mindless,
          I paid attention the entire time.

When I did miss something
     because a pot started to boil
     or I got ice from the freezer,
          I noticed I missed something,
                    scrolled back a few seconds and
                    continued.
          I was so engaged in what I was doing,
               that I was paying attention to
                          everything.

All of this would have been very useful information
              when I was in school,
     but of course, it took an elective
                                    no credit
                                    voluntary course at church
                                              to figure this out.

At least it should come in handy
     for next semester’s Academy.

And maybe
     I should be on the lookout
               for a stand-up desk.

 

*Academy is a six-semester class at our church where we study the Bible and theology.