Tomorrow is Jeff’s and my tenth anniversary.
I keep trying
to come up with something meaningful
clever
witty
inspiring
to write about it
us.
But I just can’t get it right.
Part of why I keep hitting walls (I think)
is that this
is
a big deal.
It’s a number.
But it’s also a milestone.
It’s huge
and significant,
while, at the same time,
another day just
passes.
It doesn’t seem like ten, and maybe that’s part of it.
It feels like five
or maybe six.
We are going back to where we met
to visit old haunts and
explore new ones.
We are planning to zipline
through the redwoods
and sleep right next to the ocean.
Minus the drive, I am excited for all of it.
(I do love driving across the Golden Gate, though –
especially the no-fee direction.)
We aren’t perfect
and aren’t always in the best place.
We have our issues and
difficulties,
like any other couple.
We aren’t experts.
But we have made it a long way.
I want
need
to recognize that,
celebrate it
enjoy it.
But I would also like to remain in the
tension
of our durability (that He has given us so far)
and
still sort of being new at this –
still learning new things about each other,
and somehow allow ourselves
to feel that strange sense of
security
alongside the
excitement and
enjoyment of each other.
I still want to feel the wonder I felt
when we first got together
and
feel the reassurance
of a ten-year commitment.
I want to be fearless
courageous
safe
loved
secure
and
still have the butterflies.
And I don’t want that to be a fantasy.
I want that to be us.