I have spent a lot of time indoors the last year-and-a-half. After a run-in with pure evil antibiotics, the sun has decided not to play nice with my skin, and I had to put it on a – long – time-out.
While I wait (and wait… and wait…) for full healing
as I try not aggravate it further,
my sense of style
self
comfort
has been pushed aside.
Sometimes I almost feel like a different person.
Maybe my “style” was more than just general know (not)-how. Maybe my clothes were too important to my sense of self, and I am supposed to be learning some lesson from all of this. Like “beauty is only…” Well, so much for that one. I think all I’m (re)learning so far is how much I hate Fresno summers.
Shorts and t-shirts were about comfort, but they were also just me. I dressed how I was comfortable, not the way other people preferred or expected. Just casual, laid-back, easy-going. The t-shirt sleeves lengthened in the cold, and when I absolutely had to, I would deal with pants instead of shorts.
Now, pants are essential to cover up my skin, and I have found through trial and error that many button-up shirts are cooler in the hellish Fresno heat than long-sleeve t-shirts.
I feel very stiff
boring
rigid
awkward.
And I’m not even in a dress!
I have no good way to end this, no wonderful epiphany or perfect Bible verse to uplift and inspire.
My sense of self is
supposed to be
a denial
of self
because I should find my identity
in Him.
I believe that.
I’m just not always so great
at living it.
But couldn’t I at least learn to live it while wearing shorts and a t-shirt?