This is why I don’t make goals.
When I do –
if I don’t do it exactly right,
or it's incomplete,
it means failure.
It may not be that way from anyone else’s perspective (maybe),
but the pressure to meet those goals
is not something I take lightly.
It’s almost as if
a goal equates to a promise.
If I promise I will do something,
I have to follow through
or I am a liar.
That may not be what a goal is intended to be,
but I don’t know how to allow myself the difference.
Giving myself a break = failure.
I get (overly) frustrated
critical
pissed off – at myself
if when I don’t hit the mark.
Jeff tells me
it does not come from anyone else.
It comes from me.
Other people would probably see
my disaster
as no big deal
not notice at all
or give me a reprieve
and let it go.
But I can’t get past the knowledge
that I didn’t live up to expectations –
even if I was the one who set them.
The world will not end
implode
fall apart
if I don’t meet the goal(s) I set.
And my place in it
is so small.
So why does the failure
feel so big?