I think sometimes it takes fiction
to speak the truth I need to hear.
In a recent episode of Nikita* after being forced to confront her past, Nikita tells Michael, the man she loves, that she has evil inside her. If he ever knew or discovered the depth of it, he would never – or could never – forgive her.
She was willing to sacrifice herself,
her life –
anything – for him.
But he shouldn’t do the same
for her.
If he knew the truth,
he would have to leave
and she would expect him to.
He tells her she might have parts of her that aren’t good,
but they do not define her.
She is more than that
and
he loves her,
anyway.
She later apologizes
for some of the things she said to him
when she was in distress –
unforgivable things.
She says she didn’t mean them,
and he says,
“Yes you did…
I know it’s not because you don’t love me.
It’s because you don’t love yourself.”
<Deep breath in.>
I choked
because Jeff could have been the one to say all those things to me.
I’m not sure he hasn’t already –
and maybe
I just didn’t hear it.
Nikita ©2010-