I am constantly the subject of a push-pull
between
people and survival
between
needing relationships
and needing to be alone.
People who stereotype a Dreamer*
tend to think
I could be alone for days
months
years
and all would be well
or maybe I would never even notice.
That’s not only unrealistic,
it’s also not even remotely true.
People do tend to drain me – over time.
Some people a lot more than others.
I need a regularly scheduled time-out.
I need time to be able to recharge.
If I get desperate and severely drained,
I may do need
a lot
of time to recharge.
But when I do finally get that chance,
and I am able to get there
or even get close
and approach a level that is more full
than suffocating,
I don’t just want to be with other people.
I need to be.
Hang-outs
visits
texts
emails
even phone calls
become more frequent and lengthened.
Conversations get deeper
because I have the capacity to engage.
I seek people out.
I talk Jeff’s head off
right before bed.
And I drain much more slowly
because I am energized just enough
that I enjoy it
and pursue more.
I have the hard conversations with friends
and take the time to call my mom and dad
just because
even when I have absolutely nothing to say.
But I don’t know how to stay in that place
how to balance that time
remain there
before life pulls on me again.
Even the thought of emailing a friend
seems so daunting
and overwhelming
because I really do have no energy left
and no time to recharge
refresh.
And the recently vibrant colors
slowly start to blur
back into greys.
*Your Unique Design: Originally Developed by Taibi Kahler; Adapted by Dr. Bob Maris and Dr. Jerry Richardson. Dreamer: imaginative, reflective, calm.