It’s not that I won’t have that dreaded conversation…
I have it over
and over again
in my head.
I start
listen
respond
and anticipate the expected response.
Then I start over
say what I need to say
anticipate an alternate response,
and change the wording
or tone
or adjust the content.
Repeat.
Repeat again.
Eventually I (usually) dive in for real
and say it
even if it isn’t worded
or refined well.
Usually by then,
it is time
(or past time)
to say it.
I get to the point
where I have to just throw it out there
and hope.
Hope that I say it okay-ish.
Hope the friendship is strong enough
to survive the conversation.
Hope I don’t come across as a moron.
I just want to say it right
the first time.
I’ve had enough of these conversations
explode in my face
that it makes me hesitant to have them
without thinking them through – enough.
And I know,
I know,
I tend to overthink things.
But I don’t want to screw things up even worse.
And whatever reaction I get,
I want to be able to receive it well.