My friend spotted me sitting on the curb across the street. Her eyes turned toward me, and like an evil step-mother in a Disney story, she became livid. The anger on her face was only underscored by the volume of her voice.
It was one cigarette. No big deal.
But it was such a huge deal to her – and she was not afraid to tell me that.
It wasn’t like she was my mom or something. She was my age, and neither of us were even old enough to buy cigarettes.
But there are always ways.
I didn’t even like it. It tasted gross and I couldn't stop myself from coughing. But I felt stifled at the time, and this was one step I could take that was slightly out of the boundaries I had been pushed into.
It also opened up conversation with people. A cigarette was, as I learned later, like holding a cup of coffee.
My friend chucked aside any excuses, any reasons. She was adamant that there was a better way, and that I was worth more than that. And she had no problem calling me out on my crap.
She was willing to be hated in order to tell me the truth. That truth was more important than her being liked, and she was willing to put our friendship out there and hold it in front of me as a choice – and an unspoken agreement.
As hard as it is to be called out on something, it is much harder for me to put myself in her place: to be willing to stop everything and point out something in a friend’s life that isn’t good for them.
I have had those conversations, usually reluctantly. Some went fairly smoothly and some had bumps that would rival turbulence in a puddle jumper.
But I hate starting those conversations. I know I’m not even close to perfect. I have enough junk in my life that they can throw back in my face. And even the idea of starting a conversation is difficult, because I hope those interactions turn into conversations at all.
The hardest part for me is not getting through the conversation or having the other person get defensive or angry.
It’s that first word.
How do I start?
Where do I start?
How do I approach this person?
I think I need to take a lesson from my friend and just let myself react from my gut sometimes. Not back myself into a corner and think through the thousands of possible directions for each word I could say.
Because I appreciate that she spoke the truth – for me.