It is barely December, but I’ve already been kind of a Scrooge this year.
Not because I don’t like Christmas
or family
or [fill-in-the-blank].
I just don’t feel it.
I’m ready for January to come so all of this will be over.
I think it’s because I feel like so much of it has been ruined.
The enjoyment I used to have this time of year has been replaced
with obligations
from work and family and friends and
expected gifts that we must buy and
required – neverending – events on the calendar
that keep appearing as if from nowhere.
When am I allowed to say no?
Where is that option?
I still don’t have the answer.
Today I started decorating. Mostly habit. And maybe a smidgen of hope that it would help. Behavior modification, I know. Not a permanent solution.
I didn’t get very far.
My Achiever* – the part of me that just needs to get things done – was screaming at me to finish.
But my Persister* – the part of me that determines value – told me to stop.
For now.
Leave the boxes in the living room.
Leave things unfinished.
For now.
Sit back. Refocus.
Regardless of the obligations
in front of me,
around me,
enveloping me,
I need to refocus
and reflect
on the whole point of Christmas.
Even if the rest of December is packed with junk and people around me who pack my calendar with junk, and some good stuff here and there, there is one real reason why we celebrate.
Whether I feel it or not.
Because I am not the point.
He is.
*Your Unique Design: Originally Developed by Taibi Kahler; Adapted by Dr. Bob Maris and Dr. Jerry Richardson. Achiever: Responsible, logical, organized. Persister: Dedicated, observant, conscientious.