A.k.a. Crap I have learned from.
This is my advice to my single girl friends.
Get rid of the guy if
Dump him if
Tell him to get lost
kick rocks if:
- He won't call you his girlfriend, but he’s fine with hooking up.
He needs time. He isn't ready. Whatever his excuse is, it’s fine. Let him take his time. He can wait. But he can wait without you.
- He lies.
You don't know where he is. Ever. He won't call and he always has some excuse. You catch him in his inconsistencies. What else is he lying about that you haven’t found out about – yet?
- He lies again.
He told you he would be at home, and you just happen to drive up to a stop sign and he’s in the car next to you, with another girl. He tells you he has a brain tumor so you'll feel sorry for him. How many lies does he have to tell?
- He has a girlfriend.
He says he’s going to leave her. He will, right? Maybe. But if he is willing to cheat on her, why wouldn't he cheat on you? Because he loves you? Did he tell her he loved her too? People generally continue in their patterns. They generally repeat their behavior. Do you really want to start a relationship on something that shaky? Wondering if he will someday do to you what he did for you this time?
- He does drugs or abuses any other substance.
Whatever it is, it's probably worth more to him than you are. Can people change? Yes. Do you want to be the one he changes for? Be careful with your answer. If you say no, you need to walk away. If you say yes, that is a huge responsibility that you are choosing to carry throughout your entire relationship. If he doesn't change, you are placing that on yourself. But his sobriety is not your responsibility. Now or 20 years from now.
- He says he can picture himself with a girl like you, but he doesn't say with you.
He could be a friend of yours who has never taken notice of you before. Or he could be a guy you barely know, someone you have seen in class, at Starbucks or at the office, and maybe flirted with a little. Either way, he is stereotyping you and it is all about his type, not about you. Maybe he's too shy to come out and say, but most likely, he's selfish, delusional, needy or high.
- He says you can sleep together. Just sleep.
That might work – the first time. Maybe even the second. But it won't last. His hands are not using his brain, which means his hands will not follow his words.
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He expects something in return for dinner
flowers
I love you.
If he expects something from his gifts, then nothing he does for you or says to you is about you. It is about him and what he can get from you. Don't give it to him. He doesn't deserve it and he won't be thankful for it. And guaranteed, if he bothers to stick around, he will expect it again.
If you have fallen for any of these things, don’t beat yourself up over it. Almost every girl has given in to at least one.
I know these things because I have been there to some extent, for all of them. I’ve made those mistakes – so you don’t have to.
Can’t a guy make mistakes? Absolutely. But beware of the patterns his mistakes form.
You don't have to fall for his crap. Again.
It is not my intention to speak for every person and every situation. What about those who are married to one of these guys? What about those who cannot force themselves to leave because they are too deeply involved? What about [fill in the blank]? There are many other chapters to this post. I do not claim to know everyone in every circumstance. This is just a small collection of things I have learned from my own life and my own choices. If you would like to express something different, I am open to learning more about you and your situation.