My sister forces 40 hours worth of stuff into every single day.
She writes her list and checks almost all of it off. Or she does check all of it off and has to add more.
She does 5 hours worth of work in 3. Sometimes that cuts into her expected time of 2 ½, but she will try to make it up in the next project. She’s also married and has 5 kids. I don’t know how she does it. And she probably has so much more planned that she never gets done.
She accomplishes tons.
I don’t.
After (trying to) sleep, shower, decide which of the same 5 shirts I should wear, brush hair, put in contacts, pluck eyebrows <sneeze!>, <sneeze!>,
Need.coffee.now.
Drive, pick up stuff at one location, then drive to the office, work, have actual coffee (mmmmmm). I am supposed to have so many minutes of sun – that my doctor says I’m not actually supposed to have – and drink 8 glasses of water today. Go back to work, have meetings on top of meetings, lunch, build relationships with friends/co-workers, clean my dishes, and go back to work. Exhausted.
Energy drink to the – temporary – rescue.
Work, try to check off the things on my list(s) and be productive, then drive home.
(Want to crash.)
Need to get groceries, figure out what to do for dinner and cook it. Make lunches for tomorrow. Clean the house. Do the laundry. Pay bills. Balance our bank account.
Need
Want
Must spend some time with Jeff.
Try to keep up relationships with family
friends.
Somehow.
And I'm supposed to:
Have appointments with a dentist at least twice a year and doctors of every possible kind every few months – which added up, including the wait times for each appointment that the doctors don’t bother to show up on time for, mean constantly. Not accounting for the ones I am forced to add in for complications, prescription refills, insurance requirements…
Get enough protein.
Keep my brain healthy by doing puzzles of some sort.
(Did I do a devo today?)
Get an oil change in our car.
Do the suggested 6-month
9-month
yearly maintenance for the car.
It's under a ¼ tank of gas, so it needs to be filled.
(Did Jeff and I spend any time together?)
And according to the studies in the news this week,
a glass of wine – red – is good.
Eggs are good.
I should make sure I get the right amount of vegetables,
but the amount varies per study.
Not too many carbs,
which changes weekly
monthly.
Then feed the cats. Again.
Brush my teeth. Again.
Am I supposed to floss again?
Contacts out.
My eyelids don’t even open anymore.
I didn’t accomplish anything today.
But I’m supposed to also fit in a chiropractor,
a Life Group,
kids,
figure out a way to start relationships
with new acquaintances
friends
some time to unwind,
relax (?),
be creative,
sit back and enjoy life.
(How? When?)
Add in a holiday of some sort. Holidays equal obligations. And the expectations scream so much louder than the small breaths I have a chance to take.
I fall into bed exhausted – but still can’t sleep. My mind won’t shut up. Just struggles to process the constant movement.
And then there is tomorrow.
Put all the pieces back together and start over.
Repeat.
Repeat again.
I am thankful for so much of it. Thankful to have Jeff and family and friends and a job…
But how am I supposed to integrate myself into my life?
How do I incorporate a life into my life?