My life could be such a different life with just one slight movement.
One degree.
One decision.
What if I had chosen a different college? Or not gone to college at all? Or dropped out of high school? What if I stayed working at Subway as a Sandwich Artist or In-N-Out as an Associate or at the job where I may have been working for the mafia – where I could have been wrong, but wasn't going to stay around long enough to find out?
God would still be God.
My family would still be my family.
Some of my friends would still be my friends.
But what about Jeff? What about us?
Was I meant to be with a type of guy?
Or anyone at all?
Or were we meant to be?
Because I cannot imagine being with anyone else.
I picture any other guy
and I can’t help but laugh.
The thought of ending up with anyone else is ridiculous.
I chose him and he chose me. And I choose him again every day.
But we still – somehow – met in the first place.
Is that fate?
Destiny?
Kismet?
Chance?
Free will?
Is every little detail planned?
How do I reconcile that with people who have been abandoned?
Or divorced?
Or widowed?
Were they not meant to be with that person?
Or with that type of person?
Were they meant to be alone?
Or later remarried to someone else who is also great?
Or were they supposed to wait for that person they eventually ended up with and skip the first?
What about the terrible
horrible
abusive marriage
that resulted in an amazing child –
who wouldn’t have existed otherwise?
My head spins at all the possibilities.
I may be told by people that if is the wrong question.
But what would I be missing – if I didn’t ask?