I am not good at putting myself out there – especially to people I don’t know very well.
I admire my friends who are able to be vulnerable
transparent.
I tend to gravitate toward them
love them more
appreciate them.
And wish I could (sort of) emulate them.
It’s not that I don’t do the sharing thing – eventually. But for me, trust takes time.
Sometimes a lot of time.
And I don’t know how to bring things up – organically
naturally
simply.
As part of the conversation that is already happening.
Without interrupting.
Breaking in.
Making everything super awkward for you
and me
and everybody else.
And steering the conversation in a weird direction.
Or by the time I do speak up, we are 8 subjects past that and I would be the one trying to go back. It makes me feel like a 5-year-old who doesn’t know any better – who has no basic social skills.
I’m (usually) willing to share. But how do I do it without being completely socially awkward?
It’s so much easier when I can enter into a part of the conversation that is already happening. Just go with the subject that we are already talking about.
Or just shut up.
And I don’t want to be one of those people who totally overshares. That person who is super E.G.R.*
My friend recently called me out on that.
She asked – stated: Do I really think I would end up as that person? Do I think I would cross that line – or even get close to it? Or is it an excuse I tend to fall back on?
Busted.
And ouch.
Yes, I think some of it is valid. I don’t want to make things super awkward. I don’t want to interrupt or share more than what people are ready to hear. Go beyond what is appropriate for the context.
But she was also right.
I can have a 3-hour conversation about philosophy, beliefs, music or you, but when it comes to me, I’m not so great at that.
(The trust thing is a whole other issue.)
But once I do have some level of trust,
my fear of oversharing is probably unfounded
unrealistic
overblown – like she said.
So <deep breath> I’m trying.
Working on it.
Stepping out.
*E.G.R. = Extra Grace Required