Real

Posted on August 27 2011 by J.W. Richmond

Youngest. By far. So also an “only.” But not really. Something in-between.

INFP.* Dreamer.**

Different. Think (too much) first. (Sometimes.) Question. A lot. Bold. (Bold?) Bold-er. (Maybe? Maybe.)

Some might see me as noncompliant. There is a little of that. But mostly I just don’t view things the way many others do, so I don't do things the way others would.

I am not the fighter
                 argumentative
                 obstinate one in the family
        (although I have some of all of those in me).

I need people to be real
                           authentic
                           true.
There are always essences of stuff in the air that we still need to work out, still need to work through. But the truth is essential. – Hard. Crap. Sucks. Painful. – And I don’t always like it. But I need it.

And I don’t want to walk on eggshells. 

I try to have (most) conversations earlier. Before the conflict becomes conflict. Before it becomes hard(er). Might be my way of avoiding it. Might be my way of getting us all through it before it becomes big(ger).

But sometimes I can’t. Sometimes hard conversations are unavoidable.

(Dread.)

But when did the Dreamer become the spokesperson?
The one who would say it out loud?
The one who would even have the conversation?
Sometimes the only one who will.

I hate this position. I didn’t ask for this.

But I need to be here.

I need to say what none of us are saying. I need to be able to speak up. Not be mean about it, not be harsh (I hope) but I need to speak the truth.

I need to say it in the way that is the least hurtful
                                                     but truthful at the same time.

I need to be able to say what we all need to say.
                                  What we have been feeling
                                                                thinking
                                                                not saying
                                                                         for so long.

And I’m sorry for how you may feel.

But the relationship with you/him/her/them is worth more than feelings.

It means more because you mean more.

 

*Myer’s-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). INFP: Introversion/Intuition/Feeling/Perceptive.

**Your Unique Design: Originally Developed by Taibi Kahler; Adapted by Dr. Bob Maris and Dr. Jerry Richardson. Dreamer: imaginative, reflective, calm. Just to save you some time, bold is nowhere in the description.